This post is in response to a Connected Families e-course I just completed and wanted to share with you. It was presented by Jim & Lynne Jackson, lasts just over 1 1/2 hours, has a printable workbook, and so many great free resources at the end!
If you’re feeling like you’re always doing, doing, doing for your kids and all they want is more, you’re not alone. There was a Stanford study that videoed 32 families in their homes for a week. Here is what they found:
- Kids participated regularly in household chores in 2 of the families
- Kids weren’t asked to do much in 8 of the families
- Kids ignored or resisted requests for help in 22 of the families
This means that 90% of the kids did not value contributing to the family.
That is staggering isn’t it. It leads you to wonder if this a child only problem or do we as adults also contribute to this dilemma? If so, how can we work to change the tide while upholding truth and showing grace?
One step to take is talking about the differences between “rights” and “privileges” in your home. Connected Families has a great chart called the “Yes, No, Maybe Chart” that provides a framework to get these conversations rolling.
- Yes—what things do you get no matter what (your rights) in your family?
- No—what things are totally off limits or unacceptable in your house?
- Maybe —what things can people earn (your privileges) in your family and how can they earn them?
Another point Jim & Lynne discuss is the idea that many parents have become “Dopamine Dealers” in their homes. This is done by constantly giving in and saying yes to everything your child wants (new shoes, special outings, certain foods, the newest video game update, etc.).
To change the tide, help your children find a higher purpose. Teach them self-control and to look for ways to benefit and be a blessing to others. Teach them the satisfaction of a job well done. And help them find joy and passion outside of meeting their own needs and securing their own happiness.
These life lessons can be taught in kind, fun, loving ways! And they can be taught in small moments, if we remain calm and intentional in capturing the moment…
Affirm your kids
- A—what specific Action did your child do well?
- B—what good Benefit occurred, or will occur, because of this?
- C—what Character trait did this act require?
Look for reasons to be grateful
- Create a gratitude journal for everyone to add to
- Point out the actions of others that you appreciate
- Count your blessings before bed
Build connections with your kids
- Acknowledge their emotions about the situation
- Look for the motivation that is driving their action
- Catch them doing things right
Invite God into the struggle and clue your children into this process
- Pray on your own and out loud in the midst of the struggle
- Tell your kids how you’re feeling about the situation
- And tell them what you’re doing to change your own attitude or control your emotions, words and actions
In the third video of session 4 they give one of the most powerful examples of turning an intense battle into an opportunity for growth and connection with their son. They were losing the power struggle over and over. Animosity and resentment were building.
Then they shifted their perspective and realized the battle was not with the video game, it was for their son’s purpose. Taking the course has so many benefits, but it if you buy it only watch them recount this transformative story, it will be well worth it.
Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
There is so much more to this e-course than I can cover in a short blog. It is rich in relatable examples and practical tips. There is humor and there are free resources. And it is grounded in Biblical truths and a flood of grace. Click here to register today. This affiliate link is only good until November 30, 2018 when they will be revamping their e-courses.
Please comment below if you have:
- Experienced struggles with entitlement
- Celebrated victories in gratitude
- Discovered new ways to connect with your kids
- Taken the e-course and have insights you want to share